Brake Dancing in the New Millennium

In the time it takes to suck in half a breath, dozens of antilock braking systems including my own activated and filled the air with an angelic symphony of chirps and abbreviated squeals. Beautiful music, spoiled only by the smell of burning rubber and overheated ceramic brake pads.  Only by the grace of Bosch, Brembo and Bendix, were there were no fatalities, no Med-Flights, no serious injuries, no on-the-scene reporters, no crash reconstruction teams, no embarrassing witness interviews, no ambulances, no tow trucks and no raised insurance premiums. Other than 30 pairs of soiled underwear, no evidence of the event would ever materialize, because the horrific accident never happened.

 

It took some time to process how close a call it really was, and how much a role new braking systems played in the non-pileup.

 

I had all intention of kissing the guy in the brand new Mercedes SUV directly behind me and I was pretty sure he shared the same feelings; but after every driver in eyeshot unilateral exhaled in a moment of silence, the traffic started to roll forward, and I settled for a thumbs-up instead.  I never got a clear look at him, but I believe it was Jesus Christ, Mario Andretti, a vehicle equipped with the new collision avoidance system; or quite possibly all of the above.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was returning from speaking at a luncheon in Brooklyn  New York, and the road was still wet from the morning rain. I, like five million other motorists was joining the daily migration, fighting our way home through Friday afternoon New York City traffic. At one point the congestion subsided a bit and we began to move at a more liberated speed. We came upon a steep hill and as we crested it, traffic came to an absolute dead stop on the other side.  It was a parking lot. I probably had about ten car lengths to stop before catapulting myself over the roof of the BMW 7 series ahead of me. The BMW and the cars in the lanes to my right skid and slid but were able to avoid catastrophic contact.  My ABS activated and I would eventually stop a few feet from the bumper in front of me. As soon as I felt confident I would be stopping my bike in time, I shot the dreaded glance to my side view mirror just in time to see the Mercedes SUV that had been behind me leap over the summit. In that micro- second my brother’s life (because mine is a bit more complex) passed before my eyes. Clearly it was impossible that such a large a vehicle would be able to stop before melding me to my motorcycle. To my left were Jersey Barriers; to my right were cars still zig-zagging and screeching to zero. Not a lot of choices for me as I and Mr. Andretti chirped to our final resting spots. Ferociously if not miraculously, the SUV stuttered to a halt just inches from my bikes rear trunk. I knew it was a brand new Mercedes because when the smoke cleared, I’m pretty sure I remember seeing the date code on it’s headlight!

 

It is so important to keep our eyes on the road especially during the busy holiday travelling season. We can either leave lots of extra space or just buy an $80,000 car that will do it for us.

 

So, as the world celebrates Black Friday, the holiday where Columbus came over on the Mayflower, I have something else to be very thankful for.

 

I am thankful that we did not choose the Turkey as the United States of America’s national bird, because Bald Eagles taste nothing like chicken.

I’m also thankful for technology.

Oh, and my wife.

Oh, and my family, my health, my friends, my supporters, and pizza.

Yes, definitely pizza, and rocks and other stuff.

 

Now it’s your turn, what are YOU thankful for this season?

 

 

Any day you can ride is a good day.

Cheers

Longhaulpaul

 

P.S.  You can now follow me live on my website, with an interactive map from spotwalla.com. A tracking device installed on my bike allows everyone to see where I have been and where I am going in real time!

Just  last evening while sitting at the bar waiting for a table to open up on the deck, my wife and I tried to order a second round of Sam Adams Summer Ale when we were informed the tap had been switched to Octoberfest. Now either service was really slow at the restaurant or summer is quickly drawing to a close.

I am pleased to announce I have begun sharing my story about living with MS as well as continuing my presentation of “Having MS is Like Riding A Russian Ural in the Iron Butt Rally.” I have been on the new oral medication Tecfidera for three months without any issues, and now  have a bucket of old syringes to donate if anybody wants them. I’m trying hard to be green and I think these would be great for a recycling project. I was thinking necklaces or earrings.  I also have 41,376 alcohol swabs that may or may not have been involved in last years giant recall.

After a meeting in New York City, I rode down to the start of the 2013 Iron Butt Rally in Pittsburgh.  The humorous part is that for two or three weeks I had planned my time and routes thinking the start was in Philadelphia, just a short distance from NYC. Not sure how I screwed that one up. At least it’s reassuring to know I would never be able to compete in rallies again because with my MS inspired cognitive issues, I couldn’t even find the start!

As I watched the riders leave, heading out for 11 grueling days that will indeed change their lives, I must admit a little part of me wished I had saddled up as well.

And then the skies opened up and it POURED,     completely drowning any such though.

 All of my 2013 Iron Butt Rally Start pictures are located HERE.

The Photographer Tobie Stevens met up with me after the start for some photos for an upcoming magazine article, and we had a bit of fun in the parking lot.

He did get some amazing shots though…….

The ride home was wet, but a rare opportunity to travel with some old rally friends.

I rode out to the AMA Vintage Motorcycle Days at Mid-Ohio Sports Car Course, and despite the rain, it was an excellent time. I was able to present three times over the weekend.

 I spent some time with Former Senator David Zein and his wife who gave a great presentation and I did happen to let it slip that I had been threatening to break his world record of riding 31,000 miles in 31 days. He sincerely wished me luck.

I also got a chance to see some of the other presenters, Fred Hayes who developed the Diesel motorcycle for the military,

as well as Eric Trow from Staying Safe.

Because of excessive Farkling, my bike was quarantined off at the seminar section!

The AMA is a great organization and are indeed looking out for the rights of motorcyclists across the country, and I appreciated the invitation to give my presentation at their event.

While I was there, I bumped into the Two Wheel Thunder TV crew, and they ended up doing an interview with me and my bike. Not sure where that will show up, but looking forward to it!

At the end of July I was able to have a mini vacation with my wife and our granddaughter. We Stayed in Lincoln, NH and spent a couple of days at  Clark’s Trading Post and Storyland.

Unfortunately, the most memorable moment of the vacation might just be The following photo.

We always attempt to try new foods while on vacation……………

My wife was trying to get our granddaughter to eat salmon, when I finally said if she would try just one bite I would eat a crayon and she could pick the color.

I lost twice, She like the salmon,

and I didn’t get to try anything new.

We had a great time! If you have ever been to Clarks Trading Post in Lincoln, NH, you know they are famous for two things, trained bears that play basketball and ride Segways, and  the Wolfman who never fails to chase the train with all the passengers  yelling, “Scram You Old Goat.”

Providing someone bails us out, I am heading out this week to do another presentation at Aerostich’s  30th Anniversary and Very Boring Rally in Duluth Minnesota.  I can’t wait!

Any day you can ride is a good day!

Longhaulpaul

 

Playing the Ardys Card

I don’t know Jack about playing cards unless it involves heavy drinking, removing socks, or a borrowed mule, but I do know one thing;

Ardys Kellerman was our Queen of Hearts

Who amongst us can say we never wanted to get a DNA test, as surely we must be a child, grandchild, or great grandchild to this legend and hero of the sport we call long distance riding?

 

 

Both my Grandmothers died the same week when I was in my early teens and most of my memories of spending time with them have all but faded. I do recall one Mémère was crafty, knitting doilies and crocheting dresses for Barbie Dolls that hid the extra rolls of paper on top of toilets. The other, a mother of nine could make a meal from nothing and I remember a side dish called “Ghiblatt”. It had shredded cabbage and white creamy stuff in it; I never ate it.

I hadn’t realized how much I missed not having grandparents until I became one myself, seven years ago. I got married and a year later became Pépère. Knowing how much my granddaughter means to me, the time we spend together, the fun times, the silly times, and the times I push the goofy envelope a tad too far, resulting in both of us being put in time-out by my wife; those are times I will cherish, and I pray my granddaughter will as well.

Ardys was a grandmother to the sport of long distance riding, and to so many of us. She was simple, but intriguing, plain but quietly powerful, and became a legend by doing nothing more than living. In many ways she truly was a road scholar and a millionaire, with her knowledge of geography and her wealth not of a currency any of us could ever earn. We envied her, looked up to her, and we all aspired to be like her. When she climbed onto her bike, Ardys was 25 years old. When she got off, she was a gentle, soft spoken, wise grandmother. We listened to her stories, her advice, her adventures, where she had been and where she was headed next. She liked to talk, that’s for sure, a passing hello turned into an hour, and pulling away was always difficult!

Ardys was an inspiration, we all loved her. She consoled me when I first retired from riding, telling me I did the right thing, choosing to raise my two boys. She helped me get back on my feet when I thought I was done riding. She rode to New Hampshire to show her support for my MS fundraiser, and I was honored to have Ardys as the official witness of my world record.

 

 

She was always one to give a genuine hug, a smile that melted your heart. If it wasn’t for Ardys, I may not have decided to start this new path in my life; it was reading about her accomplishments that helped me form the journey I am embarking on. She teaches all of us to live life every day, to ride, to make friends and to smile. I will miss Ardys the Queen of Hearts, as will the entire world.

Ardys Kellerman was our ACE in the Hole

Who amongst the hard core long distance motorcycle community can honestly say they never pulled out the Ardys card?

You pull the Ardys card when you are seeking permission from your spouse, loved one or partner. You pull the Ardys card when you are explaining to family, friends, fellow riders, coworkers, neighbors or strangers. You pull the Ardys card in defense when you speak to a reporter or officer of the law.

And sometimes, in the middle of the night, after a bucketful of miles and just before darkness turns to light, before that welcoming dim glow appears across the horizon in front of you, you pull out the Ardys card for reassurance, and use it on yourself.

Riding motorcycles is completely safe. Riding long distances is safe. Riding in a motorcycle competition is not that dangerous, and The Iron Butt Rally must be a piece of cake, why look, even a Grandmother can do it!

I have pulled the Ardys card hundreds of times with everyone from my children to strangers at gas stations.

When I decided to document a million miles for MS, I dusted off my Ardys card, and may have played it a few times with my wife. I may have left an article about Ardys on the living room coffee table, one in the den, my office and possibly even the bathroom.

“C’mon honey, how difficult can it be, even a Great Grandmother can do it.”

“And, it is completely safe.”

Yeah, right! Well, Ardys, you did do it, and you did it for years and years. You are the rider all of us wish we could be. You let motorcycles be such a big part of your life, it gave you wings. You were our Ace!

And now, with our hand painfully empty, do we fold?

Today, we seemed to have been dealt a raw hand, an injustice. We surely have been cheated, robbed and seemingly left without options, some of us feel like folding, and walking away.

But we do not. Instead, we give the Ardys card a whole new meaning, and it becomes much more valuable. The Ardys Kellerman card has a new place in the deck, a place so important it doesn’t get shuffled in with the other 52 cards. Today the Ardys card becomes the card on the top of a fresh deck, the one that explains the rules of the game, the instruction card.

The new Ardys card explains the game of risk verses reward, the game of motorcycling, the game of adventure, the game of friendship, the game of living, the game of life.

Use the Ardys card to remind yourself it is not about wealth, but values; simple and honest, caring and taking time for others.

Use the Ardys card to remind yourself it is not about property, but land; exploring miles and miles of it every day across our beautiful country.

When you play the Ardys card now, use it to explain how you can live a simple, yet powerful life and touch so many people by just doing what you are passionate about, enjoying your time on earth unconditionally, and truly living.

I will always have an Ardys card in my hand.

As I struggle at the loss of a great lady and friend, l can smile, as I come to realize Ardys has just left us all in the dust again, she left no points at the table, and she has beaten all of us to the podium in the biggest rally of all.

Ardys Kellerman 1932-2013

Ride in peace my friend,

Longhaulpaul