RIDE STRONG

 Hey NIKE, How about  Sponsoring Tour de Endless Road

I’ve never Tour de France, but I have ridden quite a bit in Canada.

Dear NIKE Marketing Team,

I hear you might have some sponsorship cash burning a hole in your sole.

My Name is Paul, I self- inject drugs on a daily basis, and  I take  infusions of Solu-Medro, a high dose steroid, during exacerbations or MS flare-ups. It makes me bitchy, I can’t sleep a wink, and I break-out with acne like a 13 year old kid. The first time I was put on a five day course, a nurse was sent to the house to show me how to do my own nightly infusions.  A big bag of medical supplies, an IV pole, bandages, tape, gloves, Saline solution, lots of needles and tubes, I felt like I was in an episode of HOUSE, expecting 13 to be going through my underwear draw looking for medical clues as to my un-diagnosed illness. This casually dressed visiting nurse said it wouldn’t hurt but a pinch, and  jabbed me hard in the arm, so hard she blew through both sides of my vein. She was astonished, and said that it had never ever happened to her before in all her years as a nurse. She continued to jam what felt like a rusty nail  into me 3 more times until thank god, she ran out of  catheters. Each time she claimed it never happened to her before.  I’m pretty sure she lied to me. Twice she didn’t even hit a vein.

“Must be something wrong with your veins,” she said.

Both arms were quite sore after she left, and despite the time and worry wasted about it, I didn’t get to start the five day infusions of  medication.  She returned the next evening as threatened, stabbed me twice and failed again both times,  and that’s when I politely but firmly stood up asked her to leave my home.

“Are you sure? Maybe we could try your neck”

SLAM!

I’m pretty sure the door did hit her ass on the way out. A quick search of the house did not reveal John Quinones, Betty White or Alan Thick.

I phoned for a new nurse, and again, went another night without the steroids.

On the third day of treatment, my true love gave to me, a real nurse in a white lab coat. She looked at my arms and asked if I was a heroine user. A different holiday, and it would have been funny, I’m sure of it.  She got the catheter installed in my third arm the first try, and sat while I watched the bag of fluids enter my body.

“That’s all there is to it. Disconnect the tube, tape it up.  Tomorrow night, just flush the catheter, hook up a new tube and inject the steroids into the saline bag, set the drip, and hang out for an hour, then repeat for the next three nights, OK?”

Unfortunately the catheter slipped out of my arm during the day at work, probably while shoveling the snow off the roof, and I had to have a fourth nurse visitation to install yet another catheter. Despite all of this, and the side effects of the steroids, I did recover rather quickly from my MS attack, and regained normal use of my leg again. Where was I heading with all of this? Oh yeah,

So, NIKE,

This is the truth.  I have, and will continue to inject drugs.

I look forward to your call.

Chosen

The few, the proud, the put away wet.

No, I did not get to pick the chosen 100 motorcycles for my World Record attempt, I didn’t even ask for certain styles or brands. I feared the worst, pink scooters and Ural’s with sidecars, but thank God that did not materialize.  I didn’t even get the usual salesman pitch about features and benefits. I wasn’t showed where the controls were, or even where the foot pegs were situated.   In fact, no one ever asked to see my motorcycle learners permit. I just hopped from one bike to the next, hoping I would find the foot pegs by the end of the street! Really slow turn of the throttle as I eased out the clutch, and off I went! (Times 100!)

The best I got was,

“Hey, Paul, you’re gonna love this one, it’s got like 170 horsepower at the rear wheel.”

The truth in fact, is I was allowed to ride 100 different bikes, with a combined value of about a million dollars, in the dark, and in the rain. Somewhere in New Hampshire tonight there is probably an insurance agent grinding away a few molars. Thankfully, we had no close calls or scratched paint jobs!

I did indeed set a new world record and raised $4000 for the MS Society by riding 1000 miles in under 24 hours on  100 different motorcycles, and  you can see each and every one of the bikes below!

It’s hard to believe so many people would go along with such a ridiculous idea. Riding a saddlesore 1000 and documenting switching bikes 100 times!

Where would, or how could, one even get that many bikes? Why didn’t anyone talk me out of this?

Well, it became a reality when the good folks at National Powersports in Pembroke, New Hampshire agreed to sponsor such an event, and made it part of their Annual Fall Open House. I began the ride with a signed witness form and a gas receipt, and rode off into the Friday drizzly afternoon. The first gas stop I could not get my cold damp hands back into my gloves. I almost took a fit. A while later I slowed down for a toll booth and I saw smoke coming out of one of my GPS’s. I unplugged it and it stayed running for a while. I tried to plug it back in, and I saw smoke again. Hmmm, I suppose I should keep it unplugged. My other GPS started acting funny too, it only worked when not plugged in. I would plug it in for 15 minutes or so to recharge, then used it for an hour , then repeat. This worked until it no longer charged. I switched to a data cable and it worked on that for most of the remaining ride. My IPhone at one point got waterlogged, and I could no longer tweet safely from the road due to the extreme fog and drizzle that lasted about five hours through the night. The temperature ranged from 42 degrees to about 50 degrees for the entire 24 hours. It never dried out. I was a wrinkled wet noodle, and spent most of the 21 riding hours straining to see through fogged glasses and face-shield. I only blinked 7 times the entire ride. I was unable to follow my planned fuel stops because I was getting such poor mileage due to the rain. A bike that usually got 50 mpg was barely getting 35 mpg. I had to push harder to keep my planned route and times, I had a goal to get home by midnight for a quick rest before meeting up with everyone at the dealership for the throttle-a-thon.

Not sure how I did it, but I indeed made it home by 11:45pm, after hundreds of miles of some of the worst riding I have ever done. I made good time. I got a receipt to show the start of my rest period, I slept for just under three hours, showered, got another rest period ending receipt, and then headed to National Powersports to see if I get the 100 bikes done in about four hours. I was determined and persistent. We didn’t really get rolling until about 4:45, partly because the 24 hour gas station wasn’t open yet, I guess I should have asked if the 24 hours were in a row, so I had to find another place for a date and time stamp receipt, and partly because we had not planned on the bad weather or the time it took to shuffle out the hundred bikes. I knew I had built in a buffer of an hour, so I was not worried, but knew I had to focus on the task. Thankfully I found a Dunkin Donuts open and I bought a plain donut for the receipt.

For many hours nonstop, the volunteers pushed and pulled 100 pristinely detailed motorcycles out of the back of the dealership, warmed them up and put then in position, while my son Justin took the model, mileage, and time recordings. My wife took most of the photos, and some video. All I had to do was hop on one bike after another. I had the easy part! It was quite interesting, jumping from one style of bike with forward controls to a sport bike with rear-sets, then back to a standard position foot peg! Even more fun was trying to see where the controls were in the dark and learning the throttle responses of 100 bikes in the dreary dark hours of the night! I rode cruisers, customs, touring bikes, sport bikes, classics and even a Guzzi! Straight pipes, stock pipes, blinkers on the left, blinkers on the right, “Where the hell are the blinkers on this one?” I rode two or three bikes that had really long forward controls, so far away in fact, I had to sit on the tank to reach them! I would stab in the dark on the left for the shift lever, then roll on the throttle into the night! I had no idea what bike I was on or what amount of power it had or how the brakes worked! I just took off and did my measured loop! I had to peer over my fogged glasses and under the fogged face-shield just to see at all. At one point I just took off my glasses and did the best I could. It was a miracle I did not wipe out or drop any of the bikes. Out of 100 bikes, only two stalled, and one I accidental plopped into gear while trying to fold the forward kickstand out from under the floorboard. No close calls, no dropped bikes, no scratches, and Nathan Sanel, the owner of National Powersports jumped on the back of the last bike and rode with me to complete the last loop of the 100 bikes!

I only then, took a minute break, a splash of OJ and an Egg-McMuffin, the first ‘real‘ food I had eaten since starting. I then left to complete the remaining miles I needed to reach the 1000 miles. I arrived back in time to see a waiting crowd of well-wishers, family and friends. Seeing Ardys Kellerman was a big surprise, as was quite a few other hardcore riders who braved the weather to see me finish. Of course I was honored to have Ardys witness my record ride finish!

A congratulatory phone call was received at the dealership from John Ryan, I’m sure as he is mending a broken ankle, he’s figuring a way to beat my record by doing like 1000 bikes in 24 hours, but for now, I get to taste a little bit of victory! Sponsors, supporters, friends, family, and strangers; all have helped in many more ways than I can express, and I thank you on behalf of others with MS who will indeed benefit from the money ($4000 and climbing) we have raised this week. I have lots of paperwork to finish before submitting my application for certification, but together we have done it!

100 SADDLES-Sore 1000.

A new World Record!

The following slide show gives you a taste of what it was like during those cold wet wee morning hours of September 29th, 2012. A list of all the bikes is available on the sponsor page here. If you can not get the slide show to work, it is also available here.