Rocky Mountain High

 

 

Being asked to give a presentation 2000 miles away from my home in New Hampshire at the Iron Butt Association’s National Conference was a perfect excuse for a road trip. I took the long way to Denver to attend the biannual meeting of long distance motorcycle enthusiasts from around the globe. I thought it would be a great opportunity to see parts of the country I have not visited in a decade or more. I rode 3300 miles over 4 days on the way out, attempting to ride through every National Park that’s name ended in park.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After a boring 1000 miles to Chicago the first day, I made it to South Dakota the second and was able to visit the Badlands in Wyoming.  The next day I saw Mount Rushmore at dawn, rode up and over Bear Tooth Pass in Montana, and trudged my way through Yellowstone and The Grand Tetons while dodging all the houses on wheels.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I drank a free glass of water at the famous Wall Drug, watched the sun set in Jackson Hole, Wyoming and travelled on some of the most amazing scenic roads our country has to offer before heading to Denver.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I rode alone, as I always do, taking time when I wanted and riding hard and pounding down the miles when I needed. Having a personal cooling system; the now in production CTC-100, made all the difference in the western heat. Until I got to Denver and an overly warm conference center, I forgot I had Multiple Sclerosis.

 

 

 

It got so hot one afternoon in the main vendor area, my MS symptoms started to surface and I began tripping and slurring my words. People were concerned, it was that obvious. Thankfully there were other areas of the hotel where the air conditioning was working just fine and I disappeared to recuperate.

 

 

 

 

 

I spent three days at the convention, and although it was great seeing old friends, meeting new ones, and checking out the heavily accessorized bikes and vendors, I itched for the quiet hum of the open road as each day passed. I also missed spending time my wife! This trip confirmed my chosen therapy; the road is indeed my medicine. It was a straight shot home, 2000 miles in 36 hours. A double dose of relief! Only after arriving home did I reflect on the trip, what I discovered, and how it may play into my future.

 

 

 

 

 

When I arrived at the conference, the goodie bag containing my name tag revealed someone thought I qualified as an Iron Butt LEGEND; an expert or mentor for the novice or new long distance motorcycle rider to learn from.  I was also informed that I was actually the surprise keynote speaker at the final banquet of the entire event. Cranking up the pressure, I also learned that this was the last national gathering, as the format was changing to multiple regional events in the future. I spent lots of time in my hotel room working hard on transforming my talk into a punchy yet powerful presentation, and judging by the line of riders who waited almost an hour afterwards to speak to me, I think I pulled it off!

 

 

I never really thought of myself as an inspirational speaker for the general public, just a guy helping other MS patients with my pep talks across the country. Hearing such praise from people who don’t have MS; that mystory touched them, inspired them, and even had some reaching into their wallets to donate to my charities even though I never asked; has made me realize my skills are improving and my target audience may be a lot bigger than I realized! There were outbursts of tears and snorts, knee slapping, clapping and howling from the audience, and no one fell asleep or threw vegetables. I could have heard a pin drop as I explained MS and how it affects people.  The absolute best compliment I received the entire night was from a woman who actually wet her pants, only because she did not want to miss a second of my presentation! I was humbly amazed.

After two years of waiting, I finally received my certificate for the 100 SaddleSsore 1000 world record at the dinner as well.

 

 

 

Is it possible my story about overcoming impossible odds while crisscrossing the country on a crappy motorcycle in 2001 can apply to everyone? Could repeating simple advice, given to me by the head Russian Mechanic, “Just Find Metal, Make Pushrod”, really have meaning to all? Can my humorous self-inflicted torturous struggle around the country really be a metaphoric message to the masses?

My Denver audience thinks so. I was repeatedly told I needed to find a booking agent!

 

 

A 5500 mile trip may only be a tiny footnote in my million mile mission, but this ride may certainly be a turning point in the roadmap which is my journey. Clearly I can make a difference, help others by following my passion and by challenging them to do the same; and it feels so good! I didn’t visit the new marijuana dispensaries while in Denver, but I certainly  got high with a little help from my friends!

 

Longhaulpaul

only 915,000 miles to go….

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Life Cycle of a FARKLE Tester

(Edited Version available in the 2014 Fall issue of Iron Butt Magazine)

 

 

 

“You can park right here. Man, you look really hot.”

 

“I’m flattered by your compliment, and I must say those bicycle shorts really accent your boyish figure,” I volleyed back as I unsprung my kickstand. “Actually, I’m very cool.”

 

“I can see that; ’cause you got a lot of stickers on your bike.”

 

“No seriously, I’ll bet you an umbrella drink I’m the coolest guy here.”

 

I grabbed his hand and shoved it through the zipper of my Roadcrafter.

 

“Feel my breasts.”

 

I forgot I still had my earplugs in and apparently I was shouting. A flash mob of English, Italian and German bikers slowly danced towards my Yamaha, arms stretched out in unison hoping to cop a feel. One of the Italian guys made it to second base before I was able to unleash my wedding ringed hand.

 

 

 

It was my first time being invited to give a presentation at the Northeast European Motorcycle Rally in Maine and I was sure it would be my last. BMW, Ducati, Aprilia, Triumph and Moto Guzzi riders gathered around my bike gawking at my pre-production temperature controlled cooling and heating system. I have a couple of different shirts I can hook it up to, but on this hot July day the insulated tubes were connected to a vest made by Veskimo. Although I did not design it or have any financial stake in the device, I was proud of the CTC 100, and I glowed much like the father of a newborn baby; before he sees the paternity test results.

 

 

 

 

For over a year, I had been Columbus; sailing the seven seas aboard the Mayflower, bushwhacking a path for other Americans to reach the gold in California. I was the lab mouse infected with Gonorrhea, I was Vince, the crash test dummy.

 

“Test the hell out it. Give it all you’ve got, I want to make sure it holds up. Put it through the wringer, Paul.”

 

It sounded like he wanted me to do what ever it took to find the weak spot, the point at which it would fail. I was to test the CTC 100 prototype durability in every way, and I did. Even though it was just a prototype and not waterproof, I accidentally repeatedly forgot to cover it during multiple downpours. I fumbled and dropped the unit, I ran it dry and I ripped the hose barbs out from the temporary plastic housing when I fell over in the mud, and yet It still pumped cold water keeping me cool. I left it out on the bike during freezing temperatures before adding the coolant like I was instructed, and ice formed in the lines. As soon as it thawed, it started right up and kept me toasty through the winter. I lost the controller somewhere on the East Coast, and never found it. He made me a knew one. FARKLE testing was hard work, but I was no quitter.

 

 

 

 

When I finally broke it and called John Sims the inventor, he wasn’t as excited as I thought he’d be.

 

“I did it this time John! I got it to stop working!”

 

“You broke it, Paul?”

 

“Yes sir, real good. It’s freaking awesome, it’s spewing out green coolant like a squished bug.”

 

“Did you drop it?” He asked.

 

“Sure, lots of times, but this time I actually drove my bike over it”.

 

“You realize that was my last working prototype?” He questioned.

 

“Uh, no, I didn’t. Can you build me another one?”

 

“Not sure, we are so close to production, I really don’t have any more hand built circuit boards, and it doesn’t make sense to build one from scratch again.”

 

I hung up the phone and sobbed uncontrollably like a 2014 1200RT owner. The summer season was just around the corner, and after spending 12,000 miles using a device capable of cooling me off or warming me up to any temperature I could ask for, I just couldn’t ride without it.

I had also had just received the Veskimo vest and was looking forward to a full test.

 

 

I rode down to Virginia to see if there was anyway to fix my bleeding prototype.

The diagnosis was terminal. I had successfully accomplished what I had been tasked to do, yet I felt so horribly hurt inside. I couldn’t bring myself to stay for the cremation.

 

A few weeks later, on a very hot June afternoon, my Triumph riding doctor and I rode to a speaking gig 120 miles away. We hit an hour of stopped traffic, and by the time we reached our destination, I was unable to complete full sentences or walk without my left leg buckling under. I struggled with remembering how to remove my gear and whether or not to store it on the bike. Multiple Sclerosis fatigue and heat induced cognitive symptoms were fully recognized by my doctor who briefly poked fun at me, then immediately herded me into the air conditioned hotel and sat me down in the lobby. It only took 15 minutes to reclaim the working parts of my brain and laugh at his earlier attempt at humor, but we spent a lot longer worrying about the next time. My medically trained friend was serious when he stressed how staying cool while riding for me was not a gimmick, it clearly was life or death.

 

 

I decided I needed to build my own system. I scoured Al Gore’s invention for the answer, instructions to make my own cooling system. I ordered hundreds of dollars worth of thermo techno gizmos from China, took stock in Home Depot and waited for the slow boat to reach New Hampshire. Over the course of two weeks and about 60 hours, I attempted to make my own personal cooling system. It was a test of math and solder, watts and heat paste, amps and blown fuses, dead batteries and burned out TEC plates. I left more wet spots across the house than a new puppy. I knew I would not have any ability to regulate the temperature like my long lost prototype, but I thought I could at least create something to allow me to ride cooler through the July and August heat. I finally got it wired and pumping fluids and it did actually work, in a placebo sort of way.

 

 

A week after building my redneck room temperature-izer, I received a chilling phone call. Production was in full swing. I was being sent a pre-production CTC 100, identical in almost every aspect to the final production models. The news gave me goose bumps in inappropriate places!

 

 

 

 

Being able to ride comfortably in any temperature from 0 to 120 degrees while wearing leather or full riding gear greatly increases safety, endurance and the hours, days and months people can ride motorcycles. I’m guessing by the crowds It draw everywhere I go, this FARKLE will soon find it’s place along side Garmin and Aerostich in long distance riding history. The CTC 100 may be one of those products we eventually wonder how we ever rode without. Maybe it will be an option on the next Honda GoldWing. Rest assured, whatever bike I’m riding, it won’t be an option.

 

If they listened to their FARKLE tester, they would have named the damn thing  Sliced Bread II.

 

– Longhaulpaul

 

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 TWO YEARS?

It is hard to believe It has been two years since starting my million mile quest. I have spoken  at over 100 events, ridden over 70,000 miles and with the help of my supporters, raised nearly $65,000 for Multiple Sclerosis. I have lots more to go.

The 2014  MS5000 raised $34,000 and was won again by John Cooper.

 

My Scooter Insanity 1000 raised $5300.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the past couple of months I was interviewed for a couple of podcasts ( Motorcycles and Misfits, and Law Abiding Biker ) and  I presented a couple of seminars at Americade,

 

 

 

 

 

 

Twisted Throttle’s open house,

 

 

and at the Northeastern European Motorcycle Rally.

 

 

 

 

I even made my way to speak on 42nd Street in New York

City!

 

(Ok, so  it was at the Applebee’s)

 

 

I now have a page explaining my presentations and seminars.

 

 

I had the pleasure of spending a few days with my wife and our granddaughter in Conway NH, visiting Storyland and Santa’s village where we took our annual photo.

 

 

And I leave New Hampshire early tomorrow for Denver Colorado.  As I don’t have to be there until Wednesday, I figured with all the extra time, I could ride through The Badlands National Park,  get a glass of water at Wall Drug, South Dakota,  ride over Bear Tooth Pass in Montana, through most of Yellowstone and the Tetons in Wyoming before hitting Denver. 3200 miles in four days should keep me out of trouble. I plan to leave Denver next Sunday to make it  back to work Tuesday morning. As always, you can follow my ride on my live tracking page.  Of course this in not just for fun, I am speaking in Denver, and I have been tasked to test out some new underwear by Twisted Core.  I also would not be attempting a cross country trip in August if it were not for the cooling system I have ben testing, and is now going into production. I will be riding with the first CTC-100 pre-production unit, and expect it to keep me at a comfortable temperature on this entire trip.

 

 

 

Any day you can ride is a good day!

Longhaulpaul