Longhaulpaul's Chasing the Cure

Bold

Chicago didn’t seem that far away a couple weeks ago, but mere hours away from embarking on what may make or break my wedding singer career and finally looking at a map; Chicago seems like half a country away.

 

 

 My supporters are paying top dollar to see a show, to follow my ride to Chicago for dinner, on a little scooter, in a powder blue tuxedo while raising money for the National MS Society.

 

 

This morning I woke up thinking this was just another dream and would end as they all do, with the sexy half-naked one-legged chap-lipped goat hopping in circles while singing our national anthem.

Unfortunately reality is setting in and I ask you to consider donating to what may be my  most publicized extreme ride and quite possibly my dumbest idea yet.

 

 

My initial goal for this fundraiser was $5000. I believe before the weekend is over, because of family, friends and complete strangers who can’t turn away from a circus freak show spiraling out of control while exploiting  a disease riddled  innocent bystander; we may indeed surpass that goal!

 

 

$10, $25, $50, every dollar counts and  100% of your tax deductible donation goes directly to the National MS Society and will be used for researching a cure as well as programs for people living with Multiple Sclerosis. I will be risking life, limb and my libido, please consider donating to my efforts if you have not done so already.

 

 

The ride I am attempting of course,  is called the Scooter Insanity 1000 Gold.   1000 miles in under 24 hours on a scooter under 300 cc’s.  If the scooter and I survive, I get indigestion and a neat certificate.

After getting signatures and a proper send off at high noon this Friday from the Greater New England Chapter of the National MS Society in Waltham Massachusetts, I must make  Chicago before 11:00 am on a 250cc scooter. I will then attend a private dinner party of greasy pork sandwiches while visiting road grime encrusted fellow long distance riders form all corners of the USA.

 

 

Borrowed

The first problem I encountered was that I didn’t own scooter, and had never really ridden one.  I do however know a great dealer that always has 400 bikes in stock, and because they enjoy laughing at me as much as the next guy, agreed to work out a deal on a scooter for me. As long as I return it in the exact same shape I received it, National Powersports Distributors in Pembroke NH, would take it back.

 

 

I picked up the scooter a week ago and put a few miles on it before ripping all the body work off and adding all types of gear and gizmos, ripping out all the emissions crap, cutting holes in all the panels to mount my Twisted Throttle Denali LED lights, custom auxiliary fuel tank, USB outlets for the phone and GoPro camera, volt meter, throttle lock, my Spot tracking device, a reading light and the Garmin GPS. I sure wish I had the time for a custom Bill Mayer Saddle to be made, my ass is sure to take a beating on this ride in more ways than one!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I jammed all the wiring into the glove box up front, and had a fuse blowing issue I didn’t have time to sort out, so thanks to a good friend who works at the Seabrook Nuclear Power Plant, I added this baby.

 

 

 

The scooter’s frame will melt before this sucker blows!

 

 

I tried to pack what little storage the scooter had last night, rationing the amount of soldering tools, electrical cables and adapters, and my trusty bags of adhesives, tapes, and Velcro.

 

 

After jamming 1/2 of what I wanted to carry with me under the seat, I went upstairs tired and disappointed, only to realize I still needed to pack at least a change of clothes, a toothbrush, snacks and my meds. Damn it!  Planning this trip is not as easy at it seems. I will be riding 2000 miles in about 50 hours, about the same amount of miles some people ride their motorcycles in an entire season! Things get dirty and wet, vibrate loose, wear out, melt and fall off.  And that my friends is why I’m leaving my adjustable wrench at home in favor of a second pair of underwear. Socks, on the other hand, can always be rotated.

Speaking of the other hand, the weather calls for  low forties at night, 50 degree days, and possibilities of rain the entire route. I never travel with less than 5 sets of gloves, but fell asleep last night in a pool of salty tears, with the realization I  would have to choose just two pairs.  I have no room for a laptop,  my iPad, or my full size first aid kit. I have room for only one jacket liner; will it be a fleece liner or my heated Gerbings? The scooter seems to offer enough juice at wide open throttle, but if the battery doesn’t charge, I can’t plug in the heated liner and because it is not insulated, it would become useless.  What would you bring?

Powder Blue

And where will my top hat go? Although I will be wearing a helmet, I can not ride 1000 miles dressed  as Harry from the movie Dumb and Dumber in a powder blue tuxedo and not be able to wear my top hat to dinner!

 

 

Of course, an idiot riding a little scooter in a powder blue tuxedo is the main event, the shock jock on two wheels, the rubber-necking train-wrecking two-wheeled Honey-Boobo freak show that YOU JUST CAN’T TURN YOUR BACK ON!

Don’t miss it. Contribute to the insanity, donate right now to be able to track my progress live Friday into Saturday. Donors will also get uncensored raw updates and tweets from the street as I scoot into history.

I plan to upload photos and video as I can, tweet from the street and post to Facebook live starting after 12:00 pm Friday May 2nd.

The Scooter Insanity page 

will be available for supporters to see and follow all of my adventure in real time, all in one place.

Thank you for your continued support, helping me with my mission of riding one million miles raising awareness and much needed funds to find a cure for people who live daily with the symptoms Multiple Sclerosis.

Longhaulpaul

 

 

 

 

 

The Results